Don’t Blame the Unwitting
Don’t Blame the Unwitting

How is the average human supposed to keep up with the rocket speed of life these days? We all try to be conscious and self-aware, but even the best of us can get caught unaware of getting caught up in complex interactions derived by our unconscious ego strivings.

Outer conflict is a sign of inner conflict.

I always say that when we get into conflict with someone (externally) it usually means we are conflicted (internally) in some way. That requires us to pause and look inside at what might feel incongruent inside. Have we slipped into an interaction that feels off balance or somehow icky for some reason? Have we compromised our own values? Have we fallen into compliance with someone else’s desires and suddenly we’ve lost touch with our own? Have we unwittingly taken something from someone that turns into a debt we didn’t know we had incurred? All conflict comes from ONE THING. A lack of internal balance. Caused by our unconscious ego parts all doing what they do. But the trouble is, they can sometimes be at odds with one another. The insatiable child parts in us strive to get attention or approval. The insatiable superego (parent) parts in us strive to get power or status. They just don’t consult one another and do their jobs in a single-minded way. This is where the inner conflict begins. Yet, glady our healthy enlightened self, sometimes has the prescience to notice the striving. That’s when we can quickly course-correct and get back into balance. Just don’t go blaming someone else and you’ll course correct very quickly.

Where we often go wrong.

Conflict doesn’t mean that someone on the other end of the transaction is wrong or bad. The error we make is in making up a story about how the other person is the problem. If you think that, you are expecting them to be super-conscious. Fact: Most of us do the majority of what we do every day without realizing our ego is wanting something more than it should and even up to no good. The real golden nugget is in not making the other party the black sheep. We are all doing the best we can and love is the greatest gift of all. More importantly, most people have really, great intentions — most of the time. When we believe that, we don’t cause ourselves to get out of sorts and stressed just thinking about how wrong they were and can divert our energy to taking responsibility for our own discomfort and inner incongruence instead.